The
late Bill Love used to tell the story of a psychiatrist, engineer, and
doctor who got lost in the Canadian woods. Stumbling on a trapper's
cabin but getting no response at the door, they went inside for shelter
and waited for his return.
In the corner, on a crude platform at waist-high
level, was a wood-burning stove. It quickly became not only the focus of
interest for their half-frozen bodies but the center of their
conversation as well.
The
psychiatrist explained the stove's unusual position as evidence of
psychological problems brought on by isolation. The engineer, on the
other hand, saw it as an ingenious form of forced-air heating. The
physician surmised the poor fellow had arthritis and found it too
painful to bend over to fuel his stove.
When the trapper finally arrived, they could not
resist asking about the stove whose warmth had saved them. "Simple," he
said. "My stove pipe was too short."I wasn't along for that hunting trip, but I've been where those guys were that day. I've tried to read someone's mind. I've seen motives that weren't there. I've walked into situations, caught a snippet of what was happening, and made a fool of myself by some badly chosen response. Or I've used a perfectly innocent slip of the tongue as my excuse to take offense. I can be a real jerk at times!
On occasion, the victim has been a stranger. At other times, it was a friend from church or colleague at work. Most often, it has been my wife or child.
Communication
is a wonderful thing - when it happens. But there are so many barriers.
Each of us brings baggage to every situation. Words can be vague or
carry very different nuances for people from different backgrounds. Then
there are the prejudices and blind spots all of us have.
Lots of confusion could be eliminated and far more progress made this week by following this simple rule: When something isn't clear, ask.
Don't assume. Don't guess. Don't mind-read. Trying swallowing your
pride and saying, "I'm not sure I understand. Do you mind explaining
that to me?"
This
simple strategy could save you embarrassment, time, and money. More
important still, it might save one of your life's most important
relationships.
Rubel Shelly
Rubel
Shelly is a Preacher and Professor of Religion and Philosophy located
in Rochester Hills, Michigan. In addition to church and academic
responsibilities, he has worked actively with such community projects as
Habitat for Humanity, American Red Cross, From Nashville With Love,
Metro (Nashville) Public Schools, Faith Family Medical Clinic, and
Operation Andrew Ministries. To learn more about Rubel please go to: www.RubelShelly.com
